So, I’m have depression – Chronic. Clinical. Diagnosed. No-joke hideous, insidious crippling depression.
I’m supposed to say “I HAVE depression, but I am NOT my depression. I’m grateful for my depression – it is my greatest teacher.” So, I just said it. Did it help? Not really.
I am trying – any and everything – from SAD light therapy to herbal and pharmaceutical remedies, my usual prayer and meditation, yoga, moon rituals and spell casting to alleviate this. There are times I consider Electric Shock Therapy and institutionalizing myself. Is it working? Sometimes. I win a few battles, but the war drags on.
I love John Lennon. He comforts me. ” I need a fix ’cause I’m goin’ down.” “Yes, I’m lonely. Wanna DIE” “The eagle pick my eye, the worm he lick my bone.” “Feel so suicidal, even hate my rock ‘n roll,” and so forth. That’s down, my friends. Believe it.
As a yoga teacher, I should stay on a spiritual path, for credibility’s sake. The Buddha said – craving and desire/fear and aversion are the causes of suffering. I love the Buddha almost as much as John Lennon. I eschew – eschew! wretched excess, commercialism, corporate-personhood and excess consumption that has our country teetering, like the Roman Empire before the fall.
But a mood swing every six minutes can cause extreme, paradoxical behavior.
I have one word for you. – NORDSTROM. Sometimes you just gotta go out and drop a few grand, just to feel better.
In my defense, I unselfishly bought birthday gifts (boots, leather jacket) for my daughter.
But I also bought boots, a Marc Jacobs handbag and a bracelet for myself.
And guess what? I feel better. All things in moderation, including moderation.