A Letter to Lumosity from the 2.2 percentile

Dear Lumosity,
I rank in the whopping 2.2 percentile on your Brain Performance Index, indicating that my intelligence mimics an average flatworm. Dejected by this, doubting myself,  I was moved to pen this strongly worded letter.

Lumosity is entirely too math-oriented. Personally, I gave up math in the 7th grade. My  teacher, M. Romania Lassiter, could have won a Tony as the first female Ebenezer Scrooge on Broadway. Her reign of terror launched a life of math crimes – cheating , steeling forging parental signatures. I still failed.

Shockingly,  many of us excel in verbal skills. Words, are our currency, rather than numbers, shapes and peripheral vision, My SAT verbal score ranked a scholarship offer,  but my equally weighted abysmal math percentile was lower than any human, and most chimpanzees. My trajectory tanked.

This is my first blog post. I paid an expert to configure this &^&@*# WordPress, but that’s another rant. Word Press is akin to crossing the event horizon into a black hole.

I learned verbal and social skills from my parents and role models. But none of that matters now. We MUST be affluent in numbers, spatial patterns and matrices. I can’t even spell that.

Look here, LUMOSITY, (why aren’t you LUMINOSITY, an infinitely more elite moniker?) I realize you’re a symptom of the pervasive zeitgeist -. Technology is the gold standard. Silicon Valley billionaires geek away on the next nifty gadget, like Google Glasses. While low wage jobs are the only options for others, including the disappearing middle class.

Not surprisingly, we’ve fallen behind Asia, India, et. al. The Corporate States of America has chased low-wage offshore production since the Reagan administration, then came NAFTA, et. al. Of course we would eventually meet China on the economic, innovation and marketing battleground?

Remember Ross Perot’s “great sucking sound to Mexico?  I miss him. I wanted a million dollars. But then I’d be in the South of France, NOT memorizing blue squares of bursting arithmetic bubbles. I need these skills only to proportion the perfect Mai Tai for Jean Pierre and me. As for arithmetic, I only need it to count my money, calculate tips and such, but Jean Pierre will handle the quotidian details, as I rake in the spinach for my golden years’ dementia.

But no, oh no. My abysmal 2.2 BPM on LUMINOSITY keeps me clawing, neglecting family, career and my own pursuits, to reach the 3rd percentile. I’m shooting birds and routing colorful trains around petticoat junction.

I don’t know what a matrix or an algorthym is.  Don’t need it, can’t spell it.

Luminosity,  I beg of you – moderate this math mania. Give us word and creativity challenges. For the few, the proud English majors struggling to contribute to our great country. We vote.

Thank you and God Bless America.

08-08-2013-lumosity.jpeg_full_600

This is my brain on Lumosity -Puke yellow blob

– Ms. Georgia Lee

About georgialeesays

Award-winning journalist, editor and writer of multiple genres. Former Bureau Chief, Womens Wear Daily and W magazine. Past director, Ivy Hall, The SCAD Atlanta writing center. Vice President, programming for Atlanta Writers Club. Freelance writer/editor of every subject in the known universe. Lover of clean, clear writing -"It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book." - Nietzsche. I teach yoga, meditation, in retreat settings. Seeker of truth and transcendence. Reincarnation of Edgar Allen Poe. "Life is but a dream within a dream within a dream" Write. Create. Learn. Dance. Yoga. Sleep. Dream.
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2 Responses to A Letter to Lumosity from the 2.2 percentile

  1. Harold Davis says:

    I was fortunate to never have to have sat in Romania’s classes. I’m sure that most of our fellow alum’s would speak of her amazing value as a teacher and how much they learned about life and math. Such a great inspiration, and all that is needed to brighten their day is recalling the times spent in her class. What is wrong with people? Have they all lost touch with reality? I hated the sight of that woman and until your mention of her had not thought of her in way over 40 years. Thanks a lot Georgia.

    Like

  2. Mark says:

    All participants in the GRE’s are given 250 points on their math scores, before they even begin. I scored 270. Amazingly it was still a higher score, than my best and most mathematically challenged of friends.

    Like

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